Photographed by Brenda L. McCartney
I remember watching my then two year old serenade her grandfather, as he taught her to curtsy. She would read and sing to him as if she was beyond her years. He would talk to her as if he was speaking to an older child. They had a connection and her behavior around him was somewhat surreal. There are times she would cry, “I want to be with grandpa,” A few weeks after he passed away unexpectedly. At the repast she sat in the yard, where she spent so many times with him, with her hands under her chin. While sitting she shook her head and made an open hand gesture and said “Grandpa is gone.” This father’s day would be my husband’s first father’s day without his father but we know that he is with us in spirit. To paraphrase the poet, David Harkins ‘we can smile because he lives.’ We are full of the love he shared, we will cherish his memory and let him live on and we will open our eyes smile, love and go on. For those who facing this sweet sadness of a deceased father or grandfather cherish their memories because indeed they are living in our memory.
A Father’s issues tangle with life
Patchwork of sweet sadness
Weighted memories – fragile
Eclipse a strong sense of you
Connect with essence
Steadfast replay of moments
Reserve – vacant space
The familiar territory
An ideal crafted, enchants
Pure spirited
Infinitely charming
Rich and self contained
Things noticed in the dialogue of life
Engaging open and compressed
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Poem Written By Brenda L. McCartney
To all fathers Happy Father’s Day! Enrique my love, friend, husband and father of our beautiful daughter, Happy Father’s Day.
Photographed by Simon Jarratt
Fathers do take paternity leave to help his wife with a new born. Some employers do not understand the need for such request but a father’s presence is just as important for the baby as it is for the mom. Fathers do need to bond with their babies especially in those important first couple of weeks. In the United States of America unpaid maternity is mandated by federal law via the Family Medical leave Act (FMLA) for a mother if their company employs more than fifty workers. Ebony magazine (June 2010) explains that at least two states offer paid paternity leave.”According to Adrienne Samuels Gibbs in the Ebony article “Canada gives their dads up to fifty five percent of their salary or a maximum of four hundred and thirteen dollars a week.” Recently in the United Kingdom fathers will be given three months paid paternity leave effective April 2011. The father’s role as provider is secondary to the role as a nurturer, as a child will often take for granted basic needs that parents are obligated to provide (food, water and shelter). Yet they will notice if their daddy is not there and did not spend quality time with them. They will notice if their father is not concerned with what they are doing. Let’s all hope that fathers everywhere will continue to be supported and to give support where it is necessary as well.
Sometimes you have to grow up
To understand a dad’s love
The beautiful sweeping connections
The familiar story telling
Inextricable linked
His ways come to teach
An acquired taste
A standpoint roots, develop, mature
As your spirit lifts
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Poem Written by Brenda L. McCartney
Photographed by Essence
There is a point in a child’s life when they feel annoyance having to deal with the discipline or actions of a father. Sometimes as children we think they fail at their duty. As we become older or as a parent we do feel thankful for having being blessed with a gift of a father. I recalled moments when my father did not meet my expectations and I let him feel my keen displeasure. Looking back at his level of participation in my life, I think that it could have been more, but it was adequate enough. My grandmother was a dominant force in my life along with my grandfather and uncles both whom participated in raising me and they were good men.
My father was not a constant or consistent force in my life in my earlier years but I am truly grateful for my prized moments then even if I did not know it then. Yet I am grateful for living with him during my teen years. There was much that he taught me. I can still recall our conversation at the beach one Saturday afternoon about the ‘birds and the bees.’ I still cringe when I remember him trying to bond with his then twelve year old daughter. He assisted with my preparation of Common Entrance Examination (CXC) O’ Levels to make that transition into adulthood. He was there to guide me in the advice on the selection of friends. He facilitated my independence of living on my own before I went off to college so I can be more accountable when I am away from home and the community that raised me and he did a lot more as well.
One day he asked, “Did the things I did not do prevent you from achieving what you wanted.” He meant did those things he did not do still allow me to succeed in life. I would have to say yes. This brings to mind Barack Obama’s “Dreams From My Father” in his 1995 memoir; with the absence of his father he advanced because he was “driven by ambition, a hunger for control.” My husband said from time to time that he is thankful for my father because he did in many ways shape me into who or what I am today. Those trying times made me into the beautiful, independent, accountable, nurturing young lady and loving mother that I am today. I hope that when you too look back on your life, you too you are thankful for knowing your father.
Photographed by Tim Pannell
Father’s day is fast approaching and our thoughts are with the men in our lives. They are so easily taken for granted and misunderstood. The fathers, grandfathers and those who stand in the gap for non-biological children this coming Sunday let us celebrate and honor them.
The love of a father
Plays a vital role
Prominent spaces occupies
Everyday he competently leads
Powerful leverages
Masterful situation
Foster of positive feelings
In an instant
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His love, generosity, playful nature
Is beautiful to see
Actions prompt followers – his children
Positive signals as he provides
He backed his children
A talent he nurtures
In a demanding life
Finely attuned
A father’s pride
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Poem Written by Brenda L. McCartney
Painting by William H. Johnson
I had a colleague who had her first child at forty two years of age. When I met her, her son was nine years old, healthy and very intelligent. Every afternoon at three o’clock she would complain about the traffic congestion on her way to pick up her son. One day I could not withhold my thoughts anymore, I said to her “think about the woman who wishes she had a child to pick up after school. She came to me a week later and said Brenda you know that day you told me to stop complaining from that day onward, I realized how blessed I was to have such a duty of care. ” She continued to express that no matter how long she had to wait, it was joy to see her son at three o’clock. It has been years since that talk and every time I see her she says thank you for that day.
Sometimes someone just needs a word of correction/praise/encouragement life can be changed just by a simple decision we make. Today look at your problems and complaints and see your gift(s) or blessing(s).
I read a book called ‘Walk Tall’ by Carleen Brice and this exercise always resonates with me as someone who loves the arts. She writes “Close your eyes and picture your life as a work of art – a novel, song, sculpture or painting. What are the words, sounds, shapes and textures and color you see. Now open your eyes. Is this what you want your life to say, sound like or look like? If not change it”
Today create your beauty.
Happy Father’s day to a wonderful father; my husband Enrique A. McCartney
Photographed by Brenda L. McCartney
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